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Fruits of ignorance (Evening Times) 10-21-85.�::. � if � 131 - , • `.a..' t _Monday, October 21, 1985— B 1 l a, _ t 'QOM ERVIN/The Evening Times P` cholo ist Linda . Y g Werner says parents must counterbalance sexual mebombard'theirssages with which media constantly children Fruits of i norance g Psychologist wants sex educat6an to begin at home Public,— -service group's present seminars, lectures, workshops during National Family Sexuality Education Month By Judi Grove Times.Staff Writer . 0ctober is National Family Sexuality Education Month (NFSEM), and throughout Palm Beach County, semi- nars, workshops and lectures on the subject Are available to both parents and children. Coordinated through 11 local public service agencies, including the YWCA, The Children's Place, the Palm Beach County Health Depart- ment and Planned Parenthood, the thrust of the annual campaign is to alert families to the importance of sex education in the home to Ensure healthy sexual attitudes. North Palm Beach clinical psychologist Dr. Linda Werner, who is active in the NFSEM project, sees an increasing number of sexual problems in her practice, and offered some thoughts on why and some possible remedies. I read this article by Sol Gordon, a very prominent sex educator, the director of the Institute for Family Research in Syracuse, N.Y., and his view is one I support. He says the reasons for higher teen pregnancy can be blamed in part on the media — TV, movies, music. A lot of the music kids listen to today is an open invitation to sex. "The average American home has two or more TV sets. I find that incredible. The kid has a TV, a stereo, a radio, all that in his room, and there's practically no- reason to leave the room. He goes off in one room, and the parents are in another, everybody watching TV. They don't watch this stuff together. And there is no communication about what the child is watch- ing and hearing or how he or she feels about it. Everyone goes in his own direction." Pregnancy, Ms. Werner feels, is one of the major problems of teen-age promiscuity. But it isn't the -only one. The other is the serious psychological disorders that can result. "This is 1985, and girls are still. considered sluts if they sleep around. But the girls are looking for love. That's what it's all about to them. Boys are looking for sex, girls are look- ing for love. But this kind of sex has nothing to do with intimacy, and the girls feel terrible about it afterward. And this girl has sex with a boy, and she never hears from him again. She .expects him to call. She thinks he feels some- thing for her. So she calls him, and he rejects her. That's rejection, and she feels even worse. "It's a question of self-esteem. After they've had sex with everybody, what then? Drugs, alcohol? After that, what? They feel so bad about themselves that they think it doesn't matter what they do to themselves. "And sometimes the boys feel pressure from the girls to have sex. I talk to boys who are relieved if the girl says `no' because these boys put up a front of false bravado, but deep down inside, those secret feelings, they are relieved, because the truth is, they don't know as much about it as they - like you to believe. They really don't know what they're doing." Parents are often horrified to learn that a teen-age daughter is sexually active. And de- spite all evidence, even a confession by the girl, some fathers refuse to believe it. "If the parents aren't comfortable with their own sexuality, how can they teach a healthy attitude to their children? Sometimes I have to go backward, start with the parents and their attitudes before I can make any progress with the kids. Sometimes I have to be the badass. I got one father in here who just refused to deal with the fact that his teen-age daughter was sexually active. I sid `She has satright here and told you that she's having sex.'How can you deny that?' You know what his answer was? `That's disgusting.' "It isn't enough to give your kids access to the media. You have to teach them how to use the media. You should talk to your kids about how it feels to be touched, not just sexual function. The things the kids are seeing on TV and listening to — you should talk to them about what it means and . how it makes them feel. Limit the number of TVs in the home. Watch things together. Limit the amount of TV watching time. And then discuss every- thing. As for girlie magazines, you should discuss with the boys that this is one way of looking at women, but not necessarily a good way. You can say, `Look, I know you looked at these magazines, you know, and you know I know. So let's talk about it. "We need..to get the boys into talking about intimacy, not just sex, get them out of the `Have y*su gotten any lately?' thing. And help them learn that it's OK to be close to a female without having sex." Fc,,"- more information on the NFSEM pro- grams being offered through the end of the • mo1nth, phone Planned Parenthood at 848- 6462, or The Children's Place at 832-6185.