Fruits of ignorance (Evening Times) 10-21-85.�::. � if � 131 - , • `.a..'
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_Monday, October 21, 1985— B 1 l a,
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'QOM ERVIN/The Evening Times
P` cholo ist Linda .
Y g Werner says parents must counterbalance sexual mebombard'theirssages with which media constantly children
Fruits of i norance
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Psychologist wants sex educat6an to begin at home
Public,— -service group's
present seminars,
lectures, workshops
during National Family
Sexuality Education
Month
By Judi Grove
Times.Staff Writer
. 0ctober is National Family Sexuality
Education Month (NFSEM), and
throughout Palm Beach County, semi-
nars, workshops and lectures on the subject
Are available to both parents and children.
Coordinated through 11 local public service
agencies, including the YWCA, The Children's
Place, the Palm Beach County Health Depart-
ment and Planned Parenthood, the thrust of
the annual campaign is to alert families to the
importance of sex education in the home to
Ensure healthy sexual attitudes.
North Palm Beach clinical psychologist Dr.
Linda Werner, who is active in the NFSEM
project, sees an increasing number of sexual
problems in her practice, and offered some
thoughts on why and some possible remedies.
I read this article by Sol Gordon, a very
prominent sex educator, the director of the
Institute for Family Research in Syracuse,
N.Y., and his view is one I support. He says the
reasons for higher teen pregnancy can be
blamed in part on the media — TV, movies,
music. A lot of the music kids listen to today is
an open invitation to sex.
"The average American home has two or
more TV sets. I find that incredible. The kid
has a TV, a stereo, a radio, all that in his room,
and there's practically no- reason to leave the
room. He goes off in one room, and the parents
are in another, everybody watching TV. They
don't watch this stuff together. And there is no
communication about what the child is watch-
ing and hearing or how he or she feels about it.
Everyone goes in his own direction."
Pregnancy, Ms. Werner feels, is one of the
major problems of teen-age promiscuity. But
it isn't the -only one. The other is the serious
psychological disorders that can result.
"This is 1985, and girls are still. considered
sluts if they sleep around. But the girls are
looking for love. That's what it's all about to
them. Boys are looking for sex, girls are look-
ing for love. But this kind of sex has nothing to
do with intimacy, and the girls feel terrible
about it afterward. And this girl has sex with a
boy, and she never hears from him again. She
.expects him to call. She thinks he feels some-
thing for her. So she calls him, and he rejects
her. That's rejection, and she feels even
worse.
"It's a question of self-esteem. After they've
had sex with everybody, what then? Drugs,
alcohol? After that, what? They feel so bad
about themselves that they think it doesn't
matter what they do to themselves.
"And sometimes the boys feel pressure
from the girls to have sex. I talk to boys who
are relieved if the girl says `no' because these
boys put up a front of false bravado, but deep
down inside, those secret feelings, they are
relieved, because the truth is, they don't know
as much about it as they - like you to believe.
They really don't know what they're doing."
Parents are often horrified to learn that a
teen-age daughter is sexually active. And de-
spite all evidence, even a confession by the
girl, some fathers refuse to believe it.
"If the parents aren't comfortable with
their own sexuality, how can they teach a
healthy attitude to their children? Sometimes
I have to go backward, start with the parents
and their attitudes before I can make any
progress with the kids. Sometimes I have to be
the badass. I got one father in here who just
refused to deal with the fact that his teen-age
daughter was sexually active. I sid `She has
satright here and told you that she's having
sex.'How can you deny that?' You know what
his answer was? `That's disgusting.'
"It isn't enough to give your kids access to
the media. You have to teach them how to use
the media. You should talk to your kids about
how it feels to be touched, not just sexual
function. The things the kids are seeing on TV
and listening to — you should talk to them
about what it means and . how it makes them
feel. Limit the number of TVs in the home.
Watch things together. Limit the amount of
TV watching time. And then discuss every-
thing. As for girlie magazines, you should
discuss with the boys that this is one way of
looking at women, but not necessarily a good
way. You can say, `Look, I know you looked at
these magazines, you know, and you know I
know. So let's talk about it.
"We need..to get the boys into talking about
intimacy, not just sex, get them out of the
`Have y*su gotten any lately?' thing. And help
them learn that it's OK to be close to a female
without having sex."
Fc,,"- more information on the NFSEM pro-
grams being offered through the end of the
• mo1nth, phone Planned Parenthood at 848-
6462, or The Children's Place at 832-6185.